Wings in my heart….

Eighteen months after the death of my husband, I look back at what my life has been, is now and hope will be, grateful that despite all the pain his illness and death has caused me and my children, I feel as if I have wings in my heart once again...

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And still I rise…

I am painfully aware that Maya Angelou's poem is all about the African-American Civil Rights struggle, and would never want to fall in the trap of cultural appropriation to make a point, after all I have not had my dignity and rights as a human being thrashed or denied ... nevertheless her words resonate so much with me as a woman, the defiance, ever rising against adversity and so the reason for the quote.

Counting days

10k medal

Finally today has also been a reminder of how awful this grieving process is. If the only way people can understand grief is to experience the loss of a loved one I wish I had a superpower that allowed me to stop anyone ever to have to go through it.

I’m a zebra

Severe fatigue for me means that I wake up in the morning feeling as if I am drunk. Now if you don't know me you would probably assume that I've been on the bottle and therefore shouldn't be complaining about the side effects of indulging in a drink too many; however the truth is that I hardly ever drink.

Grief with life in between

...the Rio Olympics have brought home how different our lives are, without Michael here to watch the whole range of events, the little enjoyment I have experienced is always tinged with the acute sadness of his absence.

Surviving surgery 

I’m battered and bruised, in a lot of pain, with more wounds than I care to count. But I’m happy to be home, in my own room, bed and clothes (no more hospital gowns)...

Stretch marks and belly buttons 

Yesterday I was told that I will be undergoing a bowel and liver re-section on Friday 27 May. Hearing this has brought a mixture of emotions, mostly terror and apprehension. Don't get me wrong, I'm very keen for this cancer to be whipped out of me really fast. The sooner the better. It's invading my body, … Continue reading Stretch marks and belly buttons 

When even sunshine can’t lift the cloud

So today is a beautiful sunny day in Dorset...I've been able to appreciate it from my bedroom window; I can feel the warmth of the sun on my face. My body aches all over, I've had a change in my treatment to deal with some of the most unpleasant side effects, but the new medication … Continue reading When even sunshine can’t lift the cloud