Yesterday a friend came to visit. He was recounting how he had gone on his first sailing trip of the year, one which Michael had promised to join in. My friend said he felt that Michael should have been there, to which I was able to finally express how I actually feel every day since his death. I feel abandoned
I feel as if he should be here, I feel that he’s gone some place where we had not agreed he should go. I feel as if we should have gone on that trip together. I know this is irrational, I don’t wish to be dead, but I can’t help it.
I find myself in a constant conflict knowing that what I feel is natural but also feeling that is wrong to feel that way.
I’ve also been following the news of the disappearance of Helen Bailey, children’s author and Planet Grief blogger, with sadness and trepidation. She recently described how, five years after the death of her husband, she still has bad days where the ‘grief monster’ grabs her by the shoulder.
I’d like to join my voice in calling for Helen to get in touch with her friends and loved ones and truly hope she returns home safe and sound.